havearadsummer

I hate when I catch myself thinking “we were just there” or essentially “it could have been us.” We were walking on the same streets that a madman was doing recon on and would, a day later, massacre what is now 84 people.

I hate the implication of the statement that somehow we are special, because with situations like this it becomes pretty clear that death does not play by any rules. Whether it is fate, karma, or luck, it seems pretty fricken awful to give the verbal equivalent of shrugging it off and moving on by saying something as stupid as “we were just there.” Statements and feelings like this make me feel like I am excusing myself from fully empathizing with the victims, their families and the situation. You can simultaneously feel the gravity the sadness and pain of something and still feel gratitude for your own safety. If anything, sitting with those heavy feelings longer rather than trying to run from them brings you into the moment and then allows you to take in the precious and not so precious moments of life more fully.

This trip has given us moments where the kids are angels and everything goes off without a hitch… these moments are easy to take in. Then there are moments where they are freaking out, being brats, are hangry or something isn’t going as planned. Our parenting sucks and we are sure we are forever scarring our children with our beautiful examples of passive agressive dialogue with each other. These are harder, but I try to see even these as a luxury and a piece of a larger puzzle that could be swept from the table at any moment.